How to Remove A Problem Attendant

This has to be the most frequent question that I get from brides. Somewhere around the 60 day mark, a frantic bride will call me and ask what to do about a jealous, controlling or uncooperative bridesmaid.  The best way to avoid this is to choose wisely from the beginning. You will spend a lot of time and expect a lot from your attendants throughout the planning process. This is a job for a true friend – not a coworker, a middle school associate that you haven’t spoken to in years, or a family member that you feel obliged to include.  Even among true friends, you should know that personality problems and differences will only be magnified in the planning process.  If you do find yourself with a problem attendant, there is really no easy way to handle it.  You have three options. One, you could sit the unruly maid down for a heart to heart and tell her how her behavior is hurting you. Ask that she be more mindful of her actions and try to make your wedding pleasant. Two, you could ask your maid of honor, or another bridesmaid, to run interference for you. Lastly, you could ask her to leave the party. Most experts recommend against this, but in nightmarish cases, this may be the only option.  Know that it will almost certainly be a fatal blow to the friendship and it will be difficult. You could say something like, “”I don’t think you realized what you were getting into when you kindly took this on, and I can see it’s becoming a burden to you. You know how dear you are to me, and I’d be just as happy to have you at the wedding without your having to go through all the business of being a bridesmaid.” You will need great communications skills to handle this – but hey, you are getting married and this is perfect practice for the artful communication necessary to sustain a marriage. Good Luck!